New Year Resolution

Well, I have never tried this before.... Then why now? Last year brought about a change in me which lead me to do something unorthodox like this.

In 2005 I was fully at Trichur, at home trying to kick start Neostar. And trying to guide my son through his crucial later years of teenage period. It was not easy. In 2006, Tecnimont again required my services and since many of the people I respect and love asked me to return, I had to return to my profession. To be honest, Kuttu and Usha got tired of having me around in the house too. It was again tough in 2006, setting up the Site systems etc...

However, in 2007, I did get some free time especially during summer and after. I spent a lot of time on studying the equity markets and the economy in general. However, more importantly, I had time to reflect on my inner self and my behavior in general to others and especially towards my family.

I found that towards friends and colleagues and others, I was rather well behaved and I am perceived in general as a good guy. I also found that I can reason with most people and manage to cool even some hot heads.

But, I thought I found a flaw when it came to my approach to people close to me. Probably, I am assuming that they could understand me without me having to explain every small details. I am assuming that they are like me - disciplined, well organized, punctual, judicious in spending money etc.... May be I have become a discipline freak after spending so many years in a controlled atmosphere. Because our projects are all fast track and we often work 66 - 75 hours a week at work. Because everything is provided for by the Company. You don't even have to make a cup of tea.
My office is generally well organized. Everything has its place and every one always must know where things are and I get upset if something is out of place which is not very usual. Well, may be the habit has become a part of my personality now and I expect the same at home too!!!

Also, I found that I had a communication problem. While I am open and direct with outsiders and never keep anything for later, I am shy in expressing my feelings at home. As Usha often accuses me, may be I am acting the boss at home? I decided that I must make a conscious effort to change me. How can I advise Nikhil and other youngsters,if I don't practice what I say? I did change a lot. I do not get provoked easily now (though it is difficult to become a sheep overnight!), I try to reason with and make them understand my view patiently rather than just throwing in the towel and walking off. More importantly, I try to tell them I Love You more often than before (which was never, now once in 6 months!). I did not do it before because I did not believe in just words. I believed that my actions speak louder than words. When Usha complains about it, I used to say, look, when I go to a shopping mall, wherever in the world I am, I always look for things I could buy you and Kuttu. I always think of what will make you happy. I always do things that make you happy. I always shield you from all outside pressures and take it upon me alone. Is it necessary that I keep telling you I Love You? And she always said, yes, sometimes words have more value than materials. I never believed her, but now I start to think that may be she is right. I always complement people I meet about something or other and they always get pleased about it. But I thought I don't need to do it at home.

But, I think I was wrong. All human beings love to hear it said.

So, my first ever New Year resolution is: I will tell Usha and Kuttu that I love them as frequently as possible. In fact after writing this I will call them and tell them. Why delay? Wait a second. Let me do it now.

The second resolution is try never to loose patience. It is not necessary that every one are in the same wave length. Take time, try to explain, never loose patience. Even Kuttu understands things when it is explained to him with love and patience!

Third: Never judge people. Especially your own. I have always believed that all human beings are generally good natured. Some may be acting strange due to different perspective. Just because they think different does not make them any less good. Accept them for what they are. Who knows? While you think yourself as perfect, somebody looking from outside might be able to see so many flaws in you! As I used to tell my son quite often, worry about things you can change because things you can't change will not change even if you worry. Similarly, don't expect the world to change for you, but try to change yourself to suit the world!

And finally, be firm on my main principle in life. Try to do whatever you can for others, while never expecting anything ever in return. And follow the KISS - Keep it simple and straight.

I will tell you, my diary, what happened to these resolutions next year!